ello, Sir! Happy Three Kings!!!”
I looked up and two big beady eyes stared back at me through thick prescription glasses that belonged to Miss Ursula Bahaghari, another one of my feisty junior law students from the Omega Class.
“Oh, hello there, you…you…”
“Miss Bahaghari, sir…Ursula! Omega section..? You don’t remember?”
“Of course I do!” I said, “Miss Ursula Bahaghari--she who would rather drive 3 hours from Caloocan to a law school in Baguio City than drive 4 hours from Caloocan to a law school in Makati! How can I forget?”
“What are you doing here in our library, sir? Our classes don’t resume until Monday?” she asked.
“I might ask you the same question, Miss Ursula. In fact, I asked the same question from your classmate, Miss Pinky Maglia Rosa, yesterday when I ran into her right here inside this library, too,” I answered.
She smiled. “As I understand it, sir, she ran into you.”
“Whatever,” I retorted, “so what is it about you people all coming to school before you have to yet? Did you form a ‘Nerdy Law Students Geeky Club’ or something?”
“Bingo!” said Miss Ursula.
“YOU DID??” I shrieked.
“Well, it’s not exactly a club, sir. We’re all aware that the school doesn’t allow fraternities in the college of law. So what we formed is not exactly a greek letter society. It’s more of a coffee-drinkers group, you know. Our professor always walks into class with a styrofoam cup of cappucino, so let’s just say ‘like teacher, like students’?”
I didn’t realize my students noticed that I always have a cup of coffee. Coffee is part of my thought process, what can I say? It’s also a more reliable timer than the school bell. At my rate of coffee-sipping, a cup of cappucino lasts exactly one lecture long.
“A ‘coffee-drinkers group’…riiiight,” I said sarcastically, “and you meet here in the library where you’re NOT allowed to bring in any food or drinks, that’s….that’s just perfect.”
“Oh, no, sir we just meet up here and then we go to the park after buying cheap take-out coffee from McDo—you know that ‘budget meal’ thing cause we’re all on student budget, you understand. We hold our discussions sitting on the grass in Burnham Park al fresco. Also, we stick to our ‘session rule.”
“Which is?”
“No meeting will last longer than it takes to sip one cup of coffee!”
“Like teacher, like students…” I murmured.
“Totally!” Miss Ursula bubbled, “and guess what we discussed today, sir? Never mind, you'll never guess. We talked about that Dane Ducayag ‘freak cyberlibel case’ just because Miss Pinky said you were planning to lecture on cyberlibel on Monday!”
“I did mention that to her yesterday,” I confirmed, “so you held your own recitation TODAY about a lecture I have NOT YET even delivered?”
“Sure! What’s wrong with that, sir? The Dane Ducayag case demonstrates that TIME TRAVEL is possible!” the bespectacled girl enthused.
“I’m sorry, you must forgive me, I don’t know the Dane Ducayag case. So go ahead, Miss Ursula, give me ‘FACTS’ and ‘HELD” I said, faking a recitation call.
“You don’t know Dane Ducayag, sir? I thought Miss Pinky said he was one of your students in Alpha Class last semester…?”
“I know the fellow, I don’t know his case—” then the girl interrupted me before I could finish.
“Here are the facts, sir. This woman sued him for cyberlibel because he posted something about her she didn’t like. So the prosecutor indicted him for two counts of cyberlibel.”
“And--?”
“And WHAT, sir? That’s it!””
“Miss Bahaghari, when I taught your class how to digest cases, I didn’t tell you to cram it into two useless sentences. At the very least, your summary should include a timeline of the incidents of the case.”
“Timeline! Right,” Miss Ursula pulled a chair and sat across me, “let’s see--Complaint was filed in NOVEMBER, subpoena was sent by mail in MARCH, counter-affidavit was filed in JANUARY so the case was resolved last DECEMBER.”
“All of these in the same year, 2022?”
“All except for the counter-affidavit, sir. That was filed just this new year, 2023.”
“Uh-huh…” I reacted glumly at first and waited for a few dramatic seconds before exploding.
“ARE YOU MOCKING ME, MISS URSULA??! Do you realize that with your timeline, you went BACKWARDS in time TWICE??!”
“Uh-huh,” the girl was undaunted by my mock anger, “it’s not MY timeline, sir. Those are the facts, based on the Resolution.”
“The Resolution that came out last December?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Miss Ursula, you’re a third year law student. So I trust that you know WHEN a Resolution is supposed to come out?” I said half-questioningly.
“AFTER the preliminary investigation, sir.”
“And I trust that you know WHEN a preliminary investigation is conducted?” I asked again half-questioningly.
“AFTER the respondent has filed his counter-affidavit, sir.”
“And I trust that you know when a respondent is supposed to file his counter-affidavit?”
“AFTER he receives the Subpoena, sir.”
“You mean the subpoena that was mailed in MARCH?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Well, do you know if Mister Dane Ducayag filed any counter-affidavits IN MARCH to answer the complaint against him?” I asked trying to make an obvious thing even more obvious.
“No, sir, he did not.”
“Why NOT?”
“Because back in MARCH, there was NO COMPLAINT against him yet, sir. The Complaint was filed ONLY IN NOVEMBER—EIGHT MONTHS LATER.”
“Uh-huh. So Mister Ducayag did not answer LAST MARCH a complaint against him that DID NOT YET EXIST?” I croaked in disbelief.
“I know, sir. It was very irresponsible of him to ignore a NON-EXISTENT complaint!” Miss Ursula said, feigning disdain.
“Stop it, Miss Ursula. You don’t wear sarcasm very well,” I said, “so I will presume that you all realize the case resolution is void. So can you and your classmates in your coffeegroup ‘session’ more or less predict what questions I might ask on Monday’s recitation?”
“A little bit, maybe, sir--Miss Mona Lee So thinks you might ask about administrative remedies with the Department of Justice, like a Petition for Review---” I had to interrupt.
“Wait, wait, wait—did you say Miss Mona Lee So? She was present in your geeky club meeting??”
“YES, sir! Oh, we all love the old girl! She paid for all our coffee, I’ll have you know…”
“Really now?” I was pleasantly surprised, “well now I understand why you sit on the grass, no climbing any stairs, huh?”
“Nope, no stairclimbing, sir. Just sitting on the grass, as low to the ground as possible, hihihi…” the girl giggled.
“I’m glad—I mean, I really appreciate you young turks thinking of Miss Mona Lee So’s sake. You have to take it easy on her, don’t make her walk too far, either.”
“Oh, she walks really good, sir! I mean, imagine the walk from McDo-Session Road to Burnham Park, that’s quite a hike. It was even Manong Oskie who was complaining louder!”
“WAIT! Mister Oscar Canell, the Fil-Canadian retiree was with you??” I was even more surprised.
“The club doesn’t discriminate against senior citizens, sir. We see them as deepwells of wisdom and sobriety, and they’re always so sweet towards us the younger generation, always there to guide us, inspire us, correct us when we’re wrong, cheer us up when we’re correct, telling us to never give up on anything but to always keep on trying--—”
“Paying for your coffee…”
“Hahaha yes, sir! These old guys would NEVER let us bring out our wallets! ‘Over my dead body!’ Manong Oskee would always say “
“Well, let’s face it, these oldies have the moolah!” I said, “so with those two old turkeys helping you out so much, tell your classmates to expect me to include the topic of BAIL in Monday’s recitation then!”
“Sure thing, sir,” said Miss Ursula, “oh, and the class wanted me to relay a message, by the way…”
I knew it! This girl didn’t just “run into me” in the library. She and Miss Pinky are in cahoots! The Fil-Italian brat knew exactly where I would be, so she sent Miss Piggy here to track me down.
“Alright, what’s the message?” I sighed.
“Well, sir, since Mister Dane Ducayag was your student in Alpha Class last semester, me and my classmates---”
“MY CLASSMATES AND I!!” I growled.
“Right, sir, my classmates AND I were wondering if you could bring him to class on Monday! We’re all excited to meet him in person: the Great Dane Ducayag, OUR HERO!!!”*
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