ood evening, class.”
“Good evening. sir.”
Still laboring under some kind of somber mood, my Omega Class was less exuberant again tonight. But we teachers have tricks in our bags that we pull out on a need-to-use basis—and tonight I needed an instant perk up before discussing a very neglected provision of the 1987 Constitution.
“Aaah…before I change my mind and on account of the fact that I was too busy this past two days, I’m thinking if I should still give that quiz I announced last time—”
I saw everybody bolt upright in their seats, and start looking around nervously, “May in-announce ba si Sir na magku-quiz last meeting?? Bakit hindi ko narinig??”
“Of course, it will be a shame to waste all that effort on your part, because I know you all studied hard for that quiz and then here I come cancelling it just like that, after you’ve burned the midnight oil studying, so to speak. I mean, how unfair is that?…so maybe we should—”
Somebody interrupted me, “Ah, actually, sir, me and my classmates—”
“My classmates and I,” I corrected.
“Pardon me, sir—MY CLASSMATES AND I were just talking and we said, you know, what the heck let’s all just study hard whether there’s going to be a quiz or not, you know, so really if we have that quiz, you know, or not anymore, you know, it’s really not going to make..uhhh…you know, it’s not gonna make that big a difference, you know…so…you know, don’t mind cancelling it, sir, you know…we’ll be just fine because we really LOVE studying hard, you know…!”
“Yes, I certainly know a lot now,” I answered the girl—it was my pompous Eurasian ex-pat, Ms. Pinky Maglia Rosa who was playing “class savior.”
I continued, “but, you know, there’s no such thing as a ‘free lunch,’ you know, so if I’m going to cancel the quiz—” (which I really did not announce last meeting) “what’s going to be ‘in it’ for me, you know…?” I finished with a big stupid grin on my face reminiscent of Dr. Seuss’ cat of cartoon fame.
“Sir, how about, one of us will just give a summary of the chapter right off the bat, you don’t even need to call anyone for recitation, you know, give everyone a chance to let off some tension and really be able to listen well and absorb knowledge to the optimal degree!”
“OP…TI…MAL… DEG…REE… huh?” I repeated her big word satirically. “Alright, I’m game. So, let us see, who might that ONE person be, class?”
They shouted, in all four voices soprano, alto, tenor and bass, “Sir, we volunteer HER!” pointing to Miss Pinky.
“Well, Miss Pinky, I hope this teaches you a thing or two about the messianic principle.”
“Messianic principle, sir? Wha—what is THAT?”
“The people you’re willing to die for are the very ones who will shout that you be crucified,” I said. She looked at me first for a few dumfound seconds, then turned sideways to look at her classmates who, by now, were all comfortably slouching in their chairs.
“Fine. I’ll do it!” she said, “Article II, Section 2, the Philippines renounces war—” I interrupted her right away.
“Ah, ah, ah…not so fast! I want us to lay down some basic premises and definitions first before bouncing it off the codal provision. So, Miss Pinky, in your own words, tell me what ‘national policy’ means.”
The girl took a deep breath and said, “Aaaaah---rufaglo dibooshky swakarat binufukal rombodabi bludabaf brunelsooo…” her classmates erupted in guffaws, making ME look stupid for some reason.
“Are you mocking me, Miss Pinky?? I said define national policy!”
“But, sir, you said IN MY OWN WORDS…” more laughter.
“You are trouble, young lady,” I said, “okay, okay, you got me there. So now, Miss Pinky, in WORDS FROM THE ENGLISH VOCABULARY, tell the class what ‘national policy’ means.”
“National policy is the sum total of all the government’s intention on what to do in every aspect of the national life, to which it will commit all the resources of the State in pursuing programs that will redound to the public good and uplift the lives of all its citizens…People versus—”
“No, no, no—I said I don’t want to hear case titles and citations,” I cut her short, “you law students all know about ‘stare decisis’ but you always tend to forget about ‘pro hac vice’ and ‘obiter dicta’—do you know what I mean, Miss Pinky?”
“Yes, sir, we read one Supreme Court decision and just because it is a precedent we think it always applies to all cases for all time. Sometimes the Supreme Court really just wants to say one thing to be applied one time, too.”
“Did you get that, class? I don’t want you just to read cases, I want you to UNDERSTAND THEM,” I emphasized by banging the blackboard behind me.
“Now tell us, Miss Pinky, what are some of these aspects of the national life that the national policy seeks to address?”
“Uh, sir…the economy, peace and order, education, health care, housing, employment, climate of business, the environment, food security, human rights, transportation, data communication…more, sir?”
“No, that’s enough. Now if we go to war with a country—you can pick any country you want—is it going to achieve the goals of the government in all these aspects you just enumerated?”
“No, sir, of course not,” the girl answered.
“And why NOT, what is war anyway?”
“War is a military confrontation between two sovereigns as a result of the total failure of diplomatic efforts to resolve their conflicts.”
“And how is war waged, Miss Pinky, with what equipment and assets?”
“With soldiers, sir, armed to the teeth with weapons of mass destruction.”
“Of course,” I said, “and what is the ultimate aim of a country that goes to war?”
“The complete destruction or subjugation of its enemy, sir.”
“Good. Now you can read the codal provision. Go ahead.”
“Yes, sir…Article II, Section 2, the Philippines renounces war as an instrument of national policy--”
“STOP!” I said, startling the girl.
“Now, Miss Pinky, I want you to re-read just that part of the provision, not even the whole provision, just that first part. But I want you to substitute the definitions you gave for ‘war’ and ‘national policy’ for the corresponding word in the constitutional provision, did you get that? Alright, go!”
“Well, sir…uh… ‘the Philippines renounces…uh…the use of military soldiers armed to the teeth with weapons of mass destruction intending to completely destroy or subjugate after the total failure of diplomacy…uh…as instruments for addressing the concerns of the nation in the aspects of the economy, peace and order, education, health care, housing, employment, climate of business, the environment, food security, human rights, transportation, data communication---wow this is really weird, sir! I’ve never tried reading the constitution this way before…” Miss Pinky said.
“Well, tonight, class, I want you to realize that that is exactly the opposite of what our government is doing. Can you cite some of these popular wars that you might come across the news on any given day, Miss Pinky?”
“Well, sir, there’ the War on Drugs, War on Poverty, War on Corruption, War on Inflation---how come is it really, sir, that we just love declaring all these ‘wars’ on our own citizens right within our own country and yet nobody seems to be alarmed enough to say something about it?”
“Because they read that provision and think that the word ‘war’ is meant to be taken in the international context, when in fact what it really means is…..?”
“The Philippines renounces the policy of declaring war against its own citizens,” Miss Pinky completed my sentence.
“That’s good. Miss Maglia Rosa, you may sit down,” I finally relieved the girl.
“Now for next meeting, class, just for context, I want you to skip the rest of that provision, about adopting the generally-accepted principles of international law yada yada all of that is bullshit, when we get summoned by the International Criminal Court all we do is just pull out of the Rome Agreement, so obviously we don’t have the slightest clue what international obligation means. So just skip that part and go to Section 3 right away, is that clear? Class dismissed.”
Miss Maglia Rosa caught up with me in the hallway, and started walking beside me towards the exit.
“Sir, I wanted to ask you a personal question that really means a lot to me. I mean, it’s something that’s really aching to be told from the heart.”
“Save your breath, Miss Pinky. Yes I am happily married and old enough to be your grandfather. Although come to think of it, I am entitled to the mitigating circumstance of old age if I ever get convicted for sexually harassing a--” she interrupted me.
“Can I bring my dog to class?”
“Can you WHAT??”
“I have a golden retriever dog sir, he’s about 6 years old so he’s a little big, but I really want to bring him with me every place because he’s such a loyal and ferocious body guard, but I’m not sure about the school’s policy on bringing pets into the building, Sir. Can I?
I stopped on my tracks and faced the girl, “That’s been aching to be told from your heart??”
“He’s a wonderful dog, sir.”
I thought about it long.
“Tell you what, Miss Pinky, you bring that dog and if you can sneak the mutt past the security guard out front, I’ll allow him in class as long as you can prevent him from reciting too loud.”
“What if the security guard doesn’t allow it, sir?”
“We’ll gouge out both of those beautiful blue eyes of yours. He’ll allow it the next time.*
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